When Grief Changes Who You Are

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Grief doesn’t just take away the person you love. It takes away the person you were before the loss.

I know this because I am not the same person I was before my son, Brian, passed away. I am almost unrecognizable—to myself and to others. Grief altered me physically, emotionally, and in every relationship I have. It unraveled everything I thought I knew about myself and forced me to rebuild, one painful step at a time.

For a long time, I didn’t know if I wanted to be rebuilt.

The Before and After of Loss

There is life before loss, and there is life after it. They are not the same.

Before, I thought I understood grief. I had lost loved ones before Brian, but nothing prepared me for the way this loss would rewrite my entire existence. I no longer moved through the world the same way. My body felt different. My mind was consumed by memories and questions I could never answer. My relationships changed—some strengthened, others faded. And the version of myself that had existed before was gone.

In the early years, I fought against this new reality. I tried to hold on to the person I used to be, as if I could just push through the pain and return to normal. But grief doesn’t work like that. There is no going back. Only forward—into something unknown, something unfamiliar.

Choosing to Seek Joy

Grief doesn’t disappear, but it does evolve. I have learned that joy is something we must actively choose. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it gives it a softer place to land.

At first, seeking joy felt impossible—like a betrayal of my grief, of Brian. But I began to understand that joy and sorrow can exist together. That seeking light in the darkness is not forgetting, but honoring. I started to find joy in small, intentional ways:

🌿 Watching the light shift through trees, reminding me of the beauty in change.

🎶 Listening to music that stirs my soul, allowing myself to feel deeply, even in sadness.

🎨 Creating art that speaks when words fail me, letting my grief transform into something tangible.

📖 Writing these words, in hopes that someone else feels a little less alone.

Grief changes you, but that doesn’t mean you stop living. It means you learn to live differently.

What Light Between the Shadows Is About

This is why I created Light Between the Shadows.

Here, I will write about the ways grief reshapes us, the lessons it teaches, and the unexpected paths it leads us down. I will share personal reflections, hard-earned wisdom, and the ways in which art became my way of healing.

If you’ve ever felt like loss has made you a stranger to yourself, you’re not alone. If you’re still searching for your way forward, I hope this space brings you comfort.

💙 Let’s navigate this journey together.

👉 If this resonates with you, consider subscribing so we can walk this path together.